It was 32 years ago. . .the week after Christmas. It was four-thirty in the morning. I had gotten home an hour ago and was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but it wasn’t happening. I was wired from all the cocaine I had done that night at the bar. There were dozens of early mornings like this one. I could hear the birds singing. I hated their music. It sounded like they were taunting me. I think it was the first time that I considered God in a serious way. In my desperation, I tried to make a deal with Him that morning.
“God, if you will let me sleep. . . I will stop drinking and doing drugs, and I will straighten myself out.” I meant it. I always meant it, every time I said it. This was the first time I had said it to Him. I was full of resolutions, full of promises to change, full of believing that I could do that. . .and yet full of despair and a sense of my own personal bankruptcy regarding possessing the strength that I needed.
It was just a few months earlier that I had found that little pamphlet in the back room of the bar, that had a beautiful and peaceful looking picture of a waterfall. There was a verse on it from the Bible. I will keep you in Perfect Peace. . .” Isaiah 26:3. It wasn’t time yet for peace. Sleep did not arrive for me that morning. I didn’t know then, what I know now. I couldn’t see it then. I couldn’t hear any Good News. The only fragrance in the air was the scent of death coming from my own soul. Little Lily and the Dumbo sheep are crying. The eagles are grounded right now because the tears in their eyes have momentarily distorted their vision. They know that the moment will pass. The Son will come out again. “I will keep you.”
I was driving into Orland yesterday afternoon and rear-ended another car. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to what I was doing. Fortunately no one was hurt. My car is a mess. A deep sadness came over me. What did you say, Lily? She held me in her arms and whispered, “It will be okay. It is the Lord’s doing. Let Him do to you, what seems Good to Him.” Medicine for my troubled heart. “He will keep you.”
My son Ben picked me up at the accident scene. We drove for a few minutes and I found myself trying to hold back the tears. I couldn’t do it. He said, “It’s okay Dad.” Then we drove in a peaceful silence for awhile. He offered his own car to me to use for a few days and blessed me with some other thoughts. “He is keeping you.”
What does a cocaine addiction and an accident have to do with New Year’s resolutions? Just a hint right now. Resolution begins with the letter R. . .or it begins with the letter r.
“To everything, there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be put to it nor can anything be taken from it. And God does it all so that man will be in awe of Him. That which He resolved before time in the womb of His own being, He gives birth to in time. Everything in the universe that happens each day, in every way, shape and form, is simply a new page turned over from the Eternal Book of Life.” Ecclesiastes 3:14-15
My daughter Rachel just called as this is being written. She wanted to know how I was doing. She’s one of those recovering Dumbo sheep learning about the Divine Alphabet. Faith was on her lips and Love was in her heart. . .and Hope was in words. “He has been forever keeping you.”
He is the Keeper of Resolutions. He alone possesses the Wisdom and Strength, not only to know what is best for His little flock, but brings them through the fires and deep rivers of life to Keep His Promises for the New Year and Prove His Unchangeable Love to them. “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
I still make resolutions, small r. I never learn, it seems. He still makes Resolutions, Capital R and in His Perfect Patience and Mercy, in His Kindness and Understanding. . .He teaches His children that His Love is freely given. . .freely received. Free, Love.
A Good Moment 